More than anything, most couples are looking for a happy relationship. People want to feel good about their life and their mate. Some couples live in relationships where they can wish they could be happy.
If you are waiting for something to happen to make you feel this way, or wondering when you will feel happy again, maybe it’s time to examine what you may be carrying that could be preventing it. Is it possible you may be carrying around some resentment toward your mate?
Do you feel angry when you talk to him or her? Do you prepare for an argument around the same issues? Do you long for that time in your relationship when it was better? Have you just resigned yourself to the situation you are in?
If you find yourself nodding your head to any of these questions, why not take a look at what’s going on inside you? It’s possible you may be carrying around some old wounds that have never healed. When we get our feelings hurt that hurt stays with us until it heals. If we don’t tell someone, “Hey, I got my feelings hurt when this happened” we may still be carrying around unfinished business.
Old hurts don’t stay raw, they usually scab over and then we harden ourselves against any future pain. On top of that scab we might pile on anger at the person who hurt us, and that anger might come out every time we have a disagreement with them. You are not playing out the original hurt, but because the original pain was never healed it feels the same every time there is conflict.
So how do we get over old hurts? It takes exploration and an open mind. Sometimes we can accomplish this with our mate if they are patient and understanding. Sometimes we can work through our discomfort with a trusted friend. Often people choose a counselor to listen with trained ears to help people process their histories. Whatever feels right, is the right thing for you. And that’s how we start to heal.
The first step in a healing process is to show the light on the wound. Look at it from all angles. Talk about the stories that the event created and get everything out. After everything is said and there is nothing left to say about the incident and the pain, the next step could be to think about what might make you feel better. Maybe you need an acknowledgment that you have pain and it’s been a hard road for you. Maybe you need an apology from the one who hurt you. Maybe you want them to do something for you.
We’re talking about a resolution to help you move through the difficulty. Sometimes we just need someone to notice we are suffering. And sometimes we need another to take some responsibility for it. If our partner is interested in strengthening the relationship, chances are he or she will want you to feel better and not suffer. If this is true, they may be more than willing to acknowledge or apologize.
These are the steps that help heal and solidify a relationship; allowing your partner to see you from the inside, your pain and your hopes and desires. Also important is that the partner wants what’s best for the mate and is doing his or her part to help the mate heal.
Getting over hurts, it’s one of the best ways to strengthen your relationship.
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